


Almost Had 'Em

by Zappy



Series: Crimson Spade [9]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zappy/pseuds/Zappy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>March 15th, Year Three.<br/>A few of the rogues of Gotham sit down for a game of cards, not everyone gets back up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Had 'Em

**Author's Note:**

> My take on this verse's episode "Almost Got 'Im" from the original Batman animated series. Shoutout to the Batjokes Sin Train Word Wars for helping me out!

March 15th, Year Three

~~

“…And that’s how I almost got the Batman.” Two-Face declared as he spread his hand of four twos and an ace on the table. Poison Ivy rolled her eyes as she tossed her cards on the table in defeat.

“Interesting story, Harvey, _really,_ but nothing compared to mine!” Penguin piped up. Killer Croc snarled at them both and threw his cards on the table, chips flying into Poison Ivy’s face. Riddler raised his hands in a soothing motion just as the three were ready to come to blows.

“Ease your tempers; you’ve yet to hear my own story.”

“Oh I suppose yours is the _best_ then?” Croc said with a roll of his eyes. Riddler gave a lofty smirk and motioned for everyone to retake their seats.

“So there I was, my _brilliant_ maze set, with questions at every turn and-”

“Let me guess, he answered your hardest questions, _oh no_ , and arrested you.” Ivy drawled in a bored tone. “Please, stop talking; I can’t take your ego.”

“Well if you’re going to interrupt you don’t deserve to hear it anyway.” Riddler huffed and crossed his arms.

“What about you, Scarecrow? You’ve been quiet in that corner of yours.” Penguin attempted to ease the tension, everyone at the table turned to the man as he looked over at them through his straw mask.

“You’re all going about it the wrong way. Taking on Batman with brute strength or brains doesn’t matter…you have to hit him where he’s vulnerable. _His fears_.”

“What’s the Bat afraid of, huh?” Croc asked with a skeptical look.

Scarecrow smiled, “Losing people.” At the table’s surprised looks he spread his arm and continued, “He’s a man who is constantly saving people. He’s afraid of losing those he cares for, obviously.”

“But we don’t know who he is.” Riddler snapped irritably.

The fear master waved a finger, “No, but we know who he works with…Red Hood.”

“You took the Hood?” Two-Face asked with an interested tone, “What’d you do with him?”

Scarecrow merely shuffled the cards and started dealing, “Win the next game and maybe I’ll tell you.”

“Higher stakes, then?” Penguin asked, intrigued. “The money isn’t enough to keep your interest?”

Scarecrow scoffed, tossing the final card with a flick of the wrist, “I’m not doing this for the _money_. I’m doing it for-”

“Your little man feelings were hurt because you got fired. _Bor_ ing.” Ivy intoned as she arranged her cards, not even bothering to look up as Scarecrow crushed the glass of whiskey he’d been drinking. Riddler looked Scarecrow up and down and motioned to the pieces of glass with a smirk.

“Nice grip there.” Scarecrow waved his hand to sweep the glass off the table with a soft mumble of embarrassment.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, and lady, shall we continue with the game, hmm? Not all of us have the time in the world here.”

“Like you’re going anywhere.” Two-Face drawled as he set two cards down and motioned for two more.

“Unlike you all, I haven’t caused myself to be noticed recently. The Bat isn’t on _my_ tail feathers today.”

Croc moved around his cards and scratched his scaly chin, “Who uh, who is he after right now?”

Ivy sipped her drink and glanced at Scarecrow, “When exactly did you take Hood?”

Scarecrow set down a royal flush of spades with a spread of his hands, “Last night. Did you know…he’s afraid of clowns?” He picked up the Ace of Spades and twirled it in his fingers.

Riddler looked uneasy and shuffled his cards restlessly, “Clowns? How’d you figure that out?”

Croc growled and shredded his cards in frustration, everyone sighed as they put their cards down on the table. Two-Face stood and “collected” a new deck from a nearby table. Scarecrow motioned for a waiter to replace his drink, though it didn’t look like he’d be getting it soon.

“He’s a real chatter box when he’s under enough pressure. Irritatingly, my formula doesn’t seem to have the same effect on him as with everyone else.”

“Shocking.”

Scarecrow glared at Ivy before continuing, “Anyway. He does however talk to himself. Seems to hate _his own_ laughter. Once I figured that out, the rest was easy.”

Penguin leaned in, “So what are you going to do?”

Two-Face sat down and started shuffling their pilfered deck of cards, “And how are you going to make Batman suffer with it?”

“Simple. He’s tied up at the moment, at the abandoned circus just outside of Gotham. He’s been there for _hours_ , and I left a little video playing for him. By this time tomorrow he’ll likely be a shaking mess, if not worse. Batman will get him gift wrapped the day after tomorrow when I leave him by the Police Department.”

“That’s all I needed to know.” Croc growled as he stood up and grabbed Scarecrow with his claws. “You’re going to pay for this, Scarecrow.”

“Croc? Since when did _you_ care about Red Hood? I mean, if it were Riddler attempting to use his skinny arms to toss him, that’d make more sense.” Penguin mused.

“Hey! I’m not skinny!”

Killer Croc glowered at them all, before throwing Scarecrow with all his strength into a nearby table, causing it to break under him. “If I weren’t in a hurry, I’d stay and teach you more of a lesson.” Croc snarled in a voice that was not Killer Croc’s.

“Batman!” Two-Face shouted, pulling a gun from his suit pocket. “You won’t get away again.”

“How foolish, entering a lions’ den unprepared! And all for your partner?” Penguin asked as he aimed his umbrella, while Ivy had a crossbow in Batman’s masked face.

“You aren’t the only ones who can plan.” He snapped his fingers, and every person in the club turned a gun on the table, the faces of Commissioner Gordon and a few of his best detectives just barely visible in the dim lighting.

~~

By the time Batman got to the site Scarecrow had mentioned, Hood had been missing for 19 hours. If he hadn’t discovered just how time sensitive rescuing Hood became, he’d have stayed in that club and beaten Scarecrow for this.

Of all the people to take him, Batman knew Scarecrow was the worst, simply because of his effect on Hood. Ever since October he’d been on edge, strained; as if he couldn’t keep himself together. “And I was stupid and reckless and he paid for it!” He growled at himself.

Hood was chained to a chair, his belt and suit coat hanging on the outstretched arm of a clown statue, a screen in the middle of the tent playing a tape of a clown act. With a toss of a batarang, he tore the screen apart and rushed to Hood’s side.

The man was laughing quietly under his breath, and didn’t seem to even know Batman was there. “Hood. Hood, get ahold of yourself. It’s me! HOOD!”

His head lolled to the side, and his hands kept clenching and unclenching, “B-batsy?”

Batman let out a breath of relief, “It’s me Hood. I got you. I’m going to take your helmet off, okay?” Hood didn’t protest so Batman slowly unclasped the helmet and took it off, getting a good look at his face. Hood hated having it off, he knew that, but he had to check on his condition. Hood’s eyes were dilated and bloodshot, bags under his eyes a sign of how little sleep he’d gotten lately.

Pressing two fingers to his neck, he felt for his pulse. It was strong but erratic, Batman frowned. Hood let out a louder giggle and grinned up at him with cracked lips.

“I knew you had my back, Batsy.”

To appease him, Batman offered a small smile, “I always will Hood.”


End file.
